American Hustle

Kyle:

There’s a reason that this masterpiece by David O. Russell was nominated for 10 Oscars- It’s a great film. When you watch it, you get drawn into what’s going on onscreen, and forget that there are actors playing characters- you just see the story. I also like the juxtaposition of this movie next to American Gangster. Whereas in AG, you had the government spending a long time chasing a criminal then quickly using him to bring down other parts of law enforcement, in Hustle, you have criminals caught quickly, then being used undercover to bring down other corrupt government officials, with a great twist at the end. Christian Bale was a bad choice for 3:10 to Yuma. In this film, he excels (although I feel like he tries to do the Robert Deniro squinty shrug a little too often). The body change that he went through for his character is shocking, and he’s fantastic along the sultry Amy Adams. Bradley Cooper is a goof, and his interactions with post-exile Louis CK are darkly charming. Jeremy Renner does a great job playing a one-off non-tough guy. Also, I love, love, love Jennifer Lawrence in this movie. Man, what a freaking trainwreck of a human being she plays, and pulls it off brilliantly- you want to hate her, but you end up loving her and can’t look away.

It’s a fantastic movie, you should watch it. I give it 1 million out of 1 million returned dollars. Oh, and it’s probably a little too edgy for Janet. The language will push it to NJA.

Nicole:

I love this movie. Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, and Christian Bale, are all so perfect in their parts that I get giddy when the opening scene comes up. It’s the 70’s and Christian Bale plays a middle aged, overweight, balding, con man named Irving Rosenfeld. His mistress and partner in crime named Sydney Prosser, played by the lovely Amy Adams, gets pinched by Bradley Cooper, an FBI agent named Richie DiMasso. DiMasso will give Sydney a deal if Irving agrees to catch other criminals by doing his con thing on them. Jennifer Lawrence, Rosalyn Rosenfeld, is married to Irving and is driving the crazy train straight to Hot Mess Town. She will get them all inadvertently killed if they don’t get a handle on her.      

Bradley Cooper and my bestie if I ever met her (JLaw) push this movie right to the edge of campy. But Christian Bale and Amy Adams are there to catch it just before it tips over. Rosalyn is my favorite character. From setting fire to the sunlamp, to blowing up the science oven (the microwave), to telling the mob that Irving is talking to some IRS guy. She is a tornado of destruction and it’s hilarious to watch. Kyle and I crack up every time she is in a scene because we all have that friend that just can’t seem to get it together and somehow are never to blame for any of it. Bradley Cooper’s perm, Amy Adams’ side boob, and Christian Bale’s belly are all glorious details that add up to one amazing story. Well done indeed. I recommend this one to anyone that wants to have a laugh and follow the web of cons laid out for the audience’s delight. I give this one 50 combovers and 2 perms out of 52. 

American Gangster

Kyle:

American Gangster is one of those movies that the more I watch it, the less I end up liking it. When it first came out, I loved Denzel and his no-nonsense approach as running the gangland territory that he inherited from his mentor, the bumbling do-good cop played by Russell Crowe, and the swarmy NYPD detective of Josh Brolin. However, something about Denzel’s character started bugging me. Then I figured it out- he was just Denzel. That’s the part he plays. Whether the movie is American Gangster, Training Day, Man on Fire, John Q, Remember the Titans, or Book of Eli, you will always get the same bad ass, over-the-shoulder glare, he will beat his chest, and he will at some point talk about how he’s the man. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s his schtick, I get it. However, in the context of this movie, it kind of makes the whole story unbelievable. One thing I will agree with Roger Ebert’s assessment- if you look beyond the fact that he is producing and selling heroin, the movie could be a text book for how to vertically integrate a distributed product. Also, everyone needs someone like his mother in their lives.

I give it 7 out of a dimebag.

Given the fact that the movie has sex, drugs, violence, bad language, etc. I'm calling it a solid NJA.

Nicole:

I remember wanting this movie to be so good. It has a stellar cast with Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe and Josh Brolin. I wanted it to become a classic, but something about it just didn’t ring my bell. The gist of it is that Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington) becomes the leading heroin producer and distributor in New York after his mentor passes away. He figures out that he can go straight to the source in Asia during the Vietnam War and get a more pure product to sell at a cheaper cost. The problem is that the product is so good that people are overdosing left and right. Richie Roberts (Russell Crowe) is an honest New Jersey cop that has been put in charge of figuring out who was bringing in all the drugs. As a bonus he goes after the crooked cops that are working with the bad guys (Josh Brolin) and ends up arresting 75% of the force.

I liked this movie. It was entertaining, but I feel like it was just shy being really great. Denzel Washington is good, but he basically plays Denzel Washington. Don’t get me wrong. Denzel is the man at being Denzel, but I found that Kyle and I got a little bored because we knew what was going to happen. I think maybe they spent too much time in Frank Lucas’s personal story and it made everything slow down a little too much. Russell Crowe is good in it too, but I kind of feel the same way about his role. They go into his messy personal life and it distracts from the main story line. Their professional lives are what brought us here. There was one character that we would have missed if the families were left out though. Mama Lucas played by Ruby Dee. In my eyes she stole the show. This woman maybe had 10 minutes of screen time all together and was nominated for an academy award. She is that good. Kyle and I both agree that everyone needs a Mama Lucas in their lives to slap us when we aren’t listening. She is strong and she is wise and I want her as a grandmother. This movie is worth the watch just to see how Frank Lucas made his millions and to see Denzel do his thing. I wouldn’t buy it again for multiple viewings, but if it has been a few years and I caught it on TV I might stay to watch. I give this movie 7 Mama Lucas’ out of 10.

Fun Facts:

I read into this story a little bit because I wondered how much we should believe. The big stuff is basically true. Richie Roberts really did find $1,000,000 in the trunk of a car and turned it in, he arrested all of those cops, and he became a lawyer. However, he was not a dead beat dad and took high offense to this fabrication. He went on record to say that he didn’t even have a kid with his first wife. But all the women he slept with, that was true. (Hey, it was the 60’s!) Frank Lucas did not get a $50,000 chinchilla coat from his wife. It was a $100,000 chinchilla coat  and it played a factor into the police looking closer at him. They were already watching him, but it was a big indicator that he was making way more than $25,000 a year. His cousins and brothers came to work for him and he really shot a man in broad daylight on the sidewalk and walked away without a word said to him. Something that they didn’t tell you in the movie is that Richie Roberts paid to put Frank Jr. through private Catholic school. Richie commends Frank for what he did and wanted to help in some way. Awwww

African Queen

Nicole:

After the blood and carnage of 300 and 3:10 to Yuma, this sweet and funny story was a nice cleansing of the pallet. African Queen was released in 1951 and stars Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart. At this point they were both past their prime in Hollywood but surprisingly the film still did very well in theaters. The movie opens in an African village where Katherine (Rose) is uncomfortably playing the organ and singing hymns for the villagers. She looks miserable, and it sounds like a bunch of cats are howling along. She is in a high button necked Victorian dress that would have had me throwing fits to wear in the heat. This is how she looks for the rest of the movie. Hot, sticky, dirty, sweaty, and flushed. Humphrey Bogart (Charlie) is a sweet river rat that runs supplies up and down the river in a steamboat called the African Queen. He is good natured, a wee bit drunk, and can fix or fabricate anything mechanical. Rose’s brother, who is a missionary, dies after the Nazis kidnap all of the villagers and burn their homes to the ground. Charlie comes to help Rose get away and then lay low to keep the African Queen away from the Germans. After Charlie picks her up, Rose decides that she and Charlie are going to travel down the river to blow up the German steamboat to help the war effort. He thinks she’s crazy and she convinces him it’ll be grand. God save the Queen. 

This movie moves pretty slowly as far as 2018 standards go. While Rosie and Charlie floated down the river, I found myself asking random questions. Did people really talk like that? (“Oh Charlie, We’re having our first quarrel”) They look old in this movie, how old are they? (44 and 52) Was she really British? (No) What kind of name is Humphrey? (A dorky one) Yo Hump, what up?! (You get the picture.) Even though my mind wondered, I was still engaged in the story. Katharine and Bogie have a light and funny chemistry that made me giggle and hope that they ended up together. (Hubba hubba) The few movies I’ve seen Mr. Bogart in have him cast as the cool, debonair type that can charm the sox off you. Not so much in this one, which is why I think it earned  him his first and only Oscar. Charlie is one of those guys that doesn’t feel the need to prove himself or be a hero. He is perfectly happy with where he is in life and that’s okay. Rosie ends up slowly shedding her sweaty Victorian get up and relaxes enough to realize she’s fallen in love with the slob. After rapids, swarms of mosquitos, and a leech scene that still makes me squirm, they do eventually make it to the lake where the German steamboat is patrolling. They get captured by the Germans and the resultant scene and line are my favorite of the film. Charlie, as a last request, asks the Nazi captain to marry him to Rose.  The Captain obliges, and says “I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed wiss zeh execusion!” Rest assured that this story does have a happy ending. I loved Rosie and Charlie and when things are at their darkest she prays the sweetest prayer for her love. God answers and all is saved. (Hurrah!!) There is some melodramatic acting that happens, but that’s part of the charm of old movies. It’s refreshing to watch something from a time when the assumption of sex was scandalous and high tech special effects were superimposing mosquitoes in the picture. I recommend this movie when you are in the mood to have something on that you can easily follow while eating dinner, scrolling Facebook, and discussing the finer points of pronouncing German words like "gummy". 

I give it 10 blood sucking leeches out of 10. Raaaahhhlly I do.

Kyle:

Okay, so some movies are great films and I genuinely enjoy watching them, others hold a special place in my heart because I saw them in a particular place or time in my life. This film is both. The first time I watched African Queen was in 1998 when I was in Pitkin, Colorado and taking my Wilderness First Responder course. At the time, I was a poor (broke) college student, and was taking the course while living in an $11 per night Youth Hostile in the rural mountain town. There were a number of  WFR students staying at the same place, and after classes concluded each day, we all huddled around the lone wood-burning stove, shared ramen-based dishes, and watched movies like African Queen on the only TV/VCR combo in the joint, while drinking Christian Brothers Brandy. Given the levels of luxury I have been fortunate to experience since then, the particular experience might seem pedestrian. I assure you- at the time, it was one of the great memories of my 21-year old life.That being said, this is a fine movie on it's own, and Bogie earned his only Academy Award from his performance. Sure, the premise is corny- let's roll down a river that has only been navigated by one other person, craft some makeshift torpedoes, and blow up a German ship out of revenge. However, the perennial drunk Charlie is the perfect foil for Rosie, and things like this seem to work out in such movies. The leech scene makes me squirm, and I will never pull a boat through pond scum in the manner as our beloved hero. I give the film a solid 11/12 discarded gin bottles. Being as that it has minimal language and violence, and no sex, I would say this movie is JA. That's right....Janet might actually approve of it. 

3:10 to Yuma (2007 version)

Nicole:

This one was a little hard for me. I really didn’t want to like it and as a result I was super confused on where to start and where to go with it. So, the facts. Dan Evans (Christian Bale) is a down on his luck, one legged, ex-Union soldier turned rancher in Arizona and it’s not going well. His irrigated water has been cut off, his children and wife are going hungry, and the cattle are dying. The railroad would like to lay tracks down on his land so they are doing everything possible to smoke Mr. Evans out, including setting fire to his barn. There is no money and he has no place to go except the end of his rope. Russell Crowe (a no good murdering, thieving, ladies’ man named Ben Wade) has just robbed a railroad stagecoach and has gotten caught. Through a series of events, Dan gets involved and for the price of $200 he will help deliver Ben Wade to the 3:10 pm train going to the Yuma prison in two days. This gets complicated when Ben Wade’s gang is hell bent on rescuing him.

Let’s start with what I liked. Russell Crowe. He was so good at being bad. Crowe conveys Ben Wade with a cool ease that makes you want to either be him or follow him. But not be his friend, things don’t end well when you’re his friend. Dan Evens’ son is even enamored by him and follows the group to Yuma. Ben Wade is scary smart and he does that thing where you like him one minute and think he has some redemptive qualities only to be shocked the next when he stabs a man to death with a dinner fork while everyone sleeps. Whoa there fella!  I also liked Charlie Prince, played by Ben Foster. This little guy was mean. He delights in shooting people because they exist and has a creepy devotion to Ben Wade that rivals most stalkers. So, what I didn’t like… and what caused me to sit on this post for 4 days. Let me just say that I love Westerns. My dad instilled this love in my heart at a young age when we would sit down on Saturday afternoons to watch movies like The Cowboys, The Searchers, and The Alamo. Granted these are all John Wayne movies, but he was one of dad’s heroes and The Duke became a legend in my mind because of it. Fast forward 30 years where we now have Christian Bale playing the hero. It just didn’t fit in my head when it came to what I think of a rough and tough western hero. I will say that Christian Bale is really good. He portrays Dan Evans’ frustration in a way that I felt deep in my soul. This story turns into a fight for Dan’s very existence and to my surprise, I really liked it in the end. Dan stays true to his promise as he is temped several times by Ben Wade to do the easy and wrong thing. It just took me a while to warm up to Christian as Dan Evans. This movie was smart, heartbreaking, soulful and I highly recommend watching it with anyone else that loves Westerns too. I rate it 1 ¾ Civil War legs out of 2.

Kyle:

Much like my beloved bride, I love westerns, too. However, my love for them began the first time I saw Tombstone in the theater. What followed was watching predominately the “Spaghetti Westerns” with Clint Eastwood, some John Wayne, and various others- including the 1957 version of 3:10 to Yuma. This may rub some people wrong, but the 2007 version is a better movie. There, I said it. It has more depth of character, is a better action film, and you truly feel the struggles that the characters go through. I don’t think Christian Bale was the best choice for Dan Evans, but Russell Crowe played Ben Wade spot-on. I also love Ben Foster’s version of Charlie Prince- a character that should be included with Darth Vader and Hannibal Lecter as one of the best villains of all time. He plays the role in a stone-cold, deadpan manner that will kill any ‘sumbitch at the drop of a hat. 2:50 out of 3:10. The fork murder scene probably pushes this into NJA territory.

300

Nicole:

Very fittingly, Kyle and I sat down last night to watch 300. It’s the first of our estimated 300 movies that we own and have decided to watch in alphabetical order. A quick synopsis is that King Leonidas, played by Gerard Butler, will not let the Persians make slaves of the Spartans by kneeling to their army. He is denied by the powers that be to go to war. So he finds a way around them by taking a walk to Thermopylae, Greece with 300 of his caped boy short clad “bodyguards”. Just so happens that the Persian army can possibly be stopped in such a place.

If you can get past the battle cries, blood splatter and slow motion severed limbs flying through the air, this movie is actually really beautiful. It’s graphic novel stylization transports us to another time and dimension where men are men and women are… well, men. In the Spartan world, women have just as much voice as the men do and it’s really fun to watch. A piece of advice, don’t dick around with Queen Gorgo. King Leonidas is off fighting for his family and their home and Queen Gorgo is home fighting for her husband and his men. The balance is lovely and done well in a movie made for boys. I liked this movie for the experience that it provided. It tickles me to see dudes that have swagger back up their claims with some badassery. Having it based on an actual battle also adds some solidarity to the plot. It is not meant to be historically accurate and needs to be watched with your favorite dude that will want to throw suplexes and some of the furniture around the room when the credits roll. With all of this said, I’m not sure I would buy this movie to add to a home collection. It’s done well and I liked it the first time on the big screen, but it’s not one that I revisit time and time again. I rate it 3 1/2 well defined abs out of 6.

What are your thoughts on 300? Love it? Hate it? Tell us what you think. 

Kyle:

My one-sentence review of this movie is “uber-stylized, wildly historically inaccurate brain candy depiction of guys whose abs have abs that take on a God-king and lose”. However, that doesn’t tell the whole tale. I actually liked this movie (and not because Nicole and I snuck beer into it when we saw it in the theater). It’s based off of a Frank Miller graphic novel, so if you like the stylings of movies such as Sin City (which I did) and Suckerpunch (which I didn’t), then you will likely find this a fun flick to watch. Sure, it’s campy and there are loads of unbelievable scenes, but sometimes isn’t that the best part of watching a movie? Don’t take it too seriously, make yourself a rare steak, pour a class of mulled wine, and enjoy it. Cheers.

By the way, this movie is NJA (Not Janet Approved). I give it 5/6 toned abs.